We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
