I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
