so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
