a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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