I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
