I want to make a zoo with you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
