He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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