Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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