I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
