ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
