16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
