we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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