after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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