In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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