The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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