I'm eating all of the evidence.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
