she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
