dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
