She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
