I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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