i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
