people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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