Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
