I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
