She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
