she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
