I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
