guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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