Michael Bay diarrhea
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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