you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
