Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
