Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
