I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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