Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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