Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
