i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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