If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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