Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
