You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
