we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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