So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
