and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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