I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
