We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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