this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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