Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize