when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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