this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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