This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
