Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
