How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
