An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
