dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
