I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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