dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
