I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
