i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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