I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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