Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
