My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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