What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
