i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
