you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
