he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
