Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
