My girlfriend figured out who you are.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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