Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
