I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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