Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
