Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
