I just threw up on my dentist
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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