new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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