K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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